Your Closest Friend

Can talking to yourself really be O.K.? Be honest. Do you talk to yourself. New research shows this can be a tremendous help to all of us. Researchers say talking to yourself, out loud, is more common than many of us might care to admit. Psychologists call it “self talk” and say how we do it makes a big difference in both our mood and our behavior.

Here is how Elizabeth Bernstein explains it in the Wall Street Journal:

Self-talk is what happens when you make yourself the target of your own comments, advice or reminders. Experts consider it a subset of thinking. You’re having a conversation with yourself.

Most people engage in self-talk, experts say, though some do it louder and more often than others. When I asked, I heard from people who talk to themselves in the basement, in their cubicle at work and at the urinal in the men’s room. One woman turns the car radio down so she can hear herself better.

When people think of themselves as another person, “it allows them to give themselves objective, helpful feedback,” says Ethan Kross, associate professor of psychology and director of the Self-Control and Emotion Laboratory at the University of Michigan.

Both positive and negative words can influence us in positive and negative ways. Say to yourself, “This job interview is going to be a cakewalk,” and you might not get pumped up enough to ace it. Conversely, tell yourself, “You just lost that match, you need to focus harder,” and it could spur you to do better in the future.

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